Hard to Let Go
by MapleRose
Summary: [finished] How could Sango let go of the two people she loved the most? They were so close to ending Miroku's curse, but a twist of fate made them realize it was never meant to be... SangoMiroku
1. Calm Before the Storm

**HARD TO LET GO**

Disclaimer: don't own, don't sue.

ANGST WARNING!! although not too much in this chapter, more later.

This is just gonna be a short story about 3-4 chapters. Those who complain about my chappies too short, this story has longer chapters, hope you are happy.

* * *

I. Calm Before the Storm 

It was a perfect summer day. Wisps of clouds raced in the bluest sky. A slight breeze blew across the land, cooling those made too hot by the sun.

The weather was completely opposite to what Sango was feeling that day. She strained not to cry as she remembered. Her ebony hair blew around her face as she knelt to place a bouquet of flowers on the earth.

Everything was going well for them. Naraku was severely injured and resting between battles. Sango was sure that with a bit more effort, they could finally end this. While Naraku was resting, they were taking a break as well, catching their breaths and healing wounds.

"Here, does that feel better?" a voice broke into Sango's thoughts. She turned and smiled.

"Thanks Houshi-sama," she made a face as Miroku gently pressed some soft clothes to her wound to stop the bleeding.

"Your welcome," Miroku planted a soft kiss on her cheek before going off to tend to his own wounds.

Sango blushed. She was still getting used to his showing of affection since their confessions of love. One reason she couldn't wait to finish Naraku off was so that she and Miroku would live together. He had asked her to, if the curse had been lifted and if he was still alive. She'd even agreed to bear his children.

"Are we all rested? Then let's find Naraku and finish him off!" Inuyasha announced impatiently.

"Wait, Inuyasha, I suggest we wait a couple of days," Miroku said, being the sensible one.

"And what, so Naraku could heal himself and become stronger?" Inuyasha retorted.

"That's not what I mean," Miroku answered calmly. "We need time to heal and get stronger ourselves, so we can perform better. You have to remember that we humans do not heal as fast as you do. Kagome-sama is not fully recovered. And Sango is still hurt, she's too weak to fight."

Sango smiled. Her Houshi-sama was always looking out for her. He even seemed to grope her less.

"It's okay, Houshi-sama, I'll be fine." She tried to get up but stumbled on her weak legs. Luckily, Miroku caught her, causing both of them to blush.

"You're not fine, Sango. Rest." Miroku hugged her and gently laid her down.

Kagome looked on with a small smile on her lips. They were so cute together. She sighed. Now if only she and Inuyasha…

Speaking of whom, he was sitting cross-legged, pouting.

"Cut it with the mush, will ya! Save your time and breath for healing. You humans need it," he whined.

"Sit!"

Wham!

"He never learns, does he?" Shippo shook his head.

Sango stirred in her sleep as she thought she heard a low moan. She opened her eyes to see Miroku still awake, staring at his right hand. The fire illuminated his face.

She crawled to where he was leaning against the tree and leaned against him.

"What's wrong, Houshi-sama?" Miroku shook his head.

"Nothing, it's nothing. Go back to sleep, you need rest." He continued to stare at his hand. Suddenly, he winced in pain.

Sango shifted closer to him. "It's your Kazaana, isn't it?"

Miroku nodded. "It's starting to hurt a little. I think I used it a bit too much for the past couple of days."

"You better take it easy then. I don't want anything to happen to you." Sango reached over and gently stroked the prayer beads sealing his hand.

"This is the only thing that keeps us apart. I can't wait till we destroy Naraku," she whispered.

Miroku smiled. "Are you looking forward to living with me then?"

Sango blushed.

"I am. Before I met you, all I thought of was how to destroy Naraku and avenge my family. I've accepted my fate, and didn't think about how I would live if I succeeded. Now, I'm looking forward to life. And I want to destroy Naraku not only to avenge my family, but also so I can live with you."

Sango blushed deeper as Miroku tilted her head and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

Sango sighed when they parted. "I'm looking forward to the battle, yet I'm afraid."

"Why?" Miroku put a protective arm around her.

"Because when Naraku is destroyed, we'll have to complete the jewel. That means Kohaku won't live anymore."

"I know it's hard to let go Sango," he kissed her forehead, "But Kohaku would finally be able to rest in peace."

She sighed and leaned against him. "I guess you're right. It's just that, he's the only person left of my village."

"You have to move on Sango. Kohaku doesn't belong here; Naraku is forcing him to stay. If you really love him, you should do what's best for him," Miroku whispered softly against her hair.

Sango nodded sadly. "I guess so. Thanks Houshi-sama," she kissed his lips quickly before going back towards her sleeping bag.

"Remember Houshi-sama, take it easy!"

Miroku looked at her retreating form fondly and smiled. _Thank you Sango. _

* * *

"Just a little more!" Inuyasha shouted over the sounds of battle. "We almost have him!"

"Ugh." Sango grunted as one of Kagura's wind blades cut her right shoulder. She rested on her knees to catch her breath and clenched her teeth against the pain.

"Here." She heard the sound of cloth tearing and saw Miroku quickly bandage her wound with a piece of cloth torn from his robe.

"Thanks." She got up and got ready to fight.

"Be brave, my Sango, we're almost there." Miroku helped her to steady herself and pulled her into a quick but passionate kiss before going off to help Inuyasha and Kagome.

Sango touched her lips gently, the kiss still lingering. _Houshi-sama is so kind…_

But before she could think about it further, Shippo yelled at her to watch out. She turned and narrowly dodged Kohaku's scythe.

Time to finish this. She grabbed the Hiraikotsu and rushed towards the enemy.

* * *

In the middle of the fighting, they all heard an agonizing scream of pain. Naraku's minions suddenly started to retreat. Sango wondered if Naraku was finally destroyed. But who could've done it? She could see her friends, and they looked just as confused.

"Wait, where's Houshi-sama?" she asked nobody in particular.

The wind started to pick up, and the sky darkened as if a storm was approaching.

Another scream of pain. This time, Sango recognized the voice. It sounded like…

"Houshi-sama!" she yelled while running towards the voice, not even leaving time to pick up her weapon. The rest of the gang followed.

Sango suddenly came to a stop on top of a hill. Her mouth opened in horror.

"Houshi-sama…" she whispered as the winds violently whipped her hair.

Miroku was standing in a small crater about thirty feet away, his Kazaana open. It seemed that it was starting to consume him. Instead of the small hole in the palm of his hand, most of his forearm was enveloped in blackness. He was gritting his teeth against the pain.

Sango stood there, motionless, as debris flew past her towards him. She was in shock, and couldn't believe what was happening was real.

Miroku looked her way and caught her eyes. _I'm sorry_... his eyes said.

Sango didn't do anything, she didn't even cry.


	2. Storm of Emotions

HARD TO LET GO 

by MapleRose

angst warning!

* * *

II. Storm of Emotions

Sango didn't do anything, she didn't even cry.

Suddenly, she took off running towards him.

"No, Sango! Stay back! Don't come here!" he yelled desperately over the noise. But she kept on running.

"Sango, come back!" Kagome yelled for her. But Sango didn't stop.

There was only one thing on her mind: if Miroku was going, she was going with him.

She reached the edge of the crater with ease, since the wind was pulling at her. She started forward into the crater, but was blasted by something and thrown back to the ground. She got up, ignoring the pain in her head, and ran towards the monk. Again, she was thrown back, and again, she got up and ran.

_I'm sorry, Sango. It's the only way to keep you safe._ Miroku looked on, almost unable to bear seeing her thrown back by his barrier time after time.

Sango got up with some difficulty and started to run again, when she found she couldn't. Something was gripping her arms tightly and would not allow her to go. She looked back and saw Inuyasha holding her left arm and Kagome grabbing onto her right.

"Let me go!" she screamed over the sounds of the wind.

"No. You stupid woman!" Inuyasha yelled back. "Can't you see he doesn't want you to join him? It's pointless to run into that barrier time after time!"

"I don't care! I'm going with him!" Then, seeing the Tetsuaiga, she got an idea.

"Inuyasha, please, open the barrier with your red Tetsuaiga, I have to join him!" she begged.

"No! I'm not letting you die! It's Miroku's wish that if this happens, you will live," Inuyasha informed her. Sango was slightly taken aback by this.

"Sango, please be reasonable. I know it's hard, but you can't go with him," Kagome told her gently.

Another scream. Sango whipped around and to her horror, saw that the Kazaana has taken his whole arm and started to travel down to his body.

"Houshi-sama!" she screamed over the wind so loud that her voice broke. She struggled to go forward again while shouting again and again for Miroku, ignoring the discomfort of her arms being stretched and the pain of Inuyasha's claws biting into her skin. Her shoulder wound reopened as she stretched her arm, but she was numb to the pain. Her right side broke free, since she was stronger than Kagome, who wasn't holding on to tight because she didn't want to worsen Sango's wound. But before Sango could do much, Kagome regained her position and held her back. This time, she was helped by the transformed Kirara, who stood in front of Sango to block her path. Even Shippo helped by using his toys to drag her away from Miroku.

They tried to drag her further away from the crater, but couldn't, for it took all their strength just to prevent her from running forward. She was a warrior, and quite strong, stronger still when fueled by her determination. She was also helped by the sucking winds of the Kazaana.

Most of Miroku's right side was gone, as Sango desperately tried to get free. She saw that as he weakened, his barrier also weakened. If she could only pull free of her burden…

"Let me go!" she struggled again with newfound energy. This time, it was accompanied by tears of desperation and pain. The drops of wetness were carried by the wind as she struggled to wrench away from the iron grip and landed on Miroku. He looked pained as they hit him. Inuyasha hated the scent of tears, but he understood her pain and didn't say anything.

"Let me go!" she yelled again, but with less energy.

"Please!" she begged, her voice hoarse from the strain and desperation.

Both Inuyasha and Kagome shook their heads and dug their heels into the ground, for the wind was starting to pull on them as the Kazaana grew.

"Sango! Stop struggling, we have to get away from here," Kagome pleaded, but her words fell to deaf ears and Sango kept her ground.

"Houshi-sama!" Sango whispered, her throat hurt from yelling. The tears spilled out of her eyes and ran freely down her face. She watched painfully as the Kazaana slowly swallowed her love. It was causing him a lot of pain as well, she could tell.

"Why…" she whispered to no one in particular. "Why!" she cried out loud as she made another attempt to break free. She was physically and emotionally spent.

Why now…when they are so close, so close to ending the curse? Why is Fate so cruel to her? Her Houshi-sama…She was looking forward to living with him, and he living with her. They were so close that neither of them even thought about the possibility that…

Sango couldn't, wouldn't finish her thought. Everything was going so well that they expected Miroku to live, and everything would be fine. But Fate is cruel, cruel to plan something unexpected like this, cruel to put such a twist in their lives.

It felt so unreal, she could still feel the warmth of his lips from the kiss he gave her just moments ago. _The last kiss…_

Yet she couldn't deny the sight before her, and swallowed hard to try and accept it.

As Miroku slowly disappeared into the void, Sango could feel her heart and soul, already fragile from her previous experiences, being shattered to pieces, pieces so small that she can never put them back together. Miroku was her ray of sunshine when she was depressed about her lost family and village. He made her happy and gave her courage when she thought that all was lost. He was the only hope for her to be happy again, and that hope, raised so high, was cruelly dashed by that twist of fate.

She knew that she would never see him again. At first she was afraid of his love and afraid to return it because she didn't want to lose him as she lost her kin. She was afraid that she would lose him to the Kazaana, and she didn't want to face another heartbreak. But eventually, he won her over and taught her not to be afraid to love. Since then, she stopped worrying about the Kazaana. She told him once that she wouldn't be able to live without him, but then, she'd never thought it would actually come down to it. Now that it was happening, would she be able to live without him?

"Miroku! Take me with you! I can't live without you!" she made a final gesture to join him as most of his body disappeared into nothingness. But she couldn't pull free. She turned and saw that her friends also had tears in their eyes, even Inuyasha, who was desperately trying to hide them, but wasn't succeeding.

Miroku turned and locked his violet gaze with Sango's brown orbs and sank deeply into them. He could see and feel her love. The physical pain was numb by now as he was almost knocked over by a wave of sorrow.

_She finally said my name…_He felt tears misting his eyes. He hated fate to play such a joke on them. So close, why now?

Before, he would've just accepted his fate and let go, but that was before he met Sango.

Miroku loved her. He loved her with all his heart, and he never felt this way about any girl he met before, and he had met plenty. Now, he wanted to live, wanted to live with her. She reminded him how precious life was and to always treasure it. He remembered the taste of her kiss and the feel he got when she smiled, and tears came to his eyes.

He didn't want to hurt her. He proposed only because he was so sure that everything would end up fine. For a long time, he had to refrain from her, so that he would not hurt her. Maybe it would've been better if he never met her at all, that way, he wouldn't hurt her like this. But deep down, he knew that he was glad to have met her, to have loved her. She brought happiness and hope into his life, and he was glad for that, even if it was short-lived.

His heart ached as broke as he watched her attempts to join him. He didn't want to leave, but hated even more to leave her behind, but he couldn't take her with him. He wanted her to live. This was his fate and she didn't deserve to be brought into it with him

The wind died down slightly as his body was engulfed in darkness, only his head and left shoulder remained.

"I love you, Sango!" he cried over the wind as the tears broke loose.

"I love you too Miroku! Please don't leave me all alone, let me go with you!" she replied as she gazed into his violet orbs. It was getting harder to see him through her tears and the debris still flying around.

"No! I'm sorry, but you can't come with me, you must live, please!"

"But – "

"If you really love me, please do as I say, it's my final wish. You have to stay strong."

Sango swallowed and nodded. "I will."

"Promise that you will live?"

"I promise."

"I love you, and I will always be there for you, watching you from above," he whispered. "Stay strong, my Sango!"

He prayed silently for his friends to take good care of his Sango. He smiled sadly, closed his eyes as he was finally ready to go.

Sango watched as the blackness started to consume the last of him. She couldn't bear to look, but couldn't look away either.

"I love you Houshi-sama, and I always will! I'm happy to have known you, and I'll never forget you!" She blinked away the tears to catch a final glimpse of him, finally ready to let go.

The last thing she saw were his violet eyes as he opened them to take a final glimpse of her. They were full of sorrow, apology, and love, and they echoed her own eyes.

_Good-bye… _

And he was gone.

* * *

sniff...i seriously cried when i wrote this, but then again, i'm kinda emotional when reading.

whew, i think that might be the longest chapter i've ever written, not counting one-shots. one more chapter left, but need suggestion: should i add an epilogue after the next chapter?


	3. Aftermath

HARD TO LET GO 

by MapleRose

last chapter....

* * *

III. Aftermath

Sango slowly walked back to where she dropped her weapon, tears still running down her face. Inuyasha, Kagome, Shippo and Kirara followed her. She knelt down and picked up her weapon with her right hand. She flinched as she felt the pain in her shoulder. She turned to look and saw the bloodstained cloth that was once part of Miroku's robe, and tears flooded her eyes once again.

_I have to be strong._ She clenched her fist and wiped away her tears. _There will be time to mourn later, but now, we have business to finish. I will avenge you, Houshi-sama!_

"Show yourself coward!" she ran to where the battlefield was and yelled out.

"It was you that ran away from the battlefield," Naraku's disembodied voice mocked.

"I hate you! I hate you for what you did to Kohaku, to Inuyasha and Kikyou, to all the innocent people who didn't deserve their deaths, and especially what you did to my Houshi-sama! You disgust me!"

"I'm so sorry about the monk. It was his grandfather's fault after all, not his," Naraku mocked again.

Sango growled. "If you are not a coward, then show yourself and fight with us face to face instead of letting someone else do it for you."

Naraku didn't answer. He just laughed and bombed the earth in front of her.

"Come on out you coward." Inuyasha yelled once the dust settled. There was a dangerously angry glint in his eyes. Kagome didn't say anything, but there was a determined look on her tear-streaked face as her hand tightened around her bow. They refused to be disheartened by Miroku's death. If anything, it made them more determined to kill Naraku. They could feel Miroku's spirit cheering them on.

"Over there! I can sense the jewel!" Kagome called out. She ran towards the place, and the rest of them followed.

Naraku was wearing layers and layers of armor, but they could see that the armor was broken in some places where he hadn't had time to fix.

"Looking for more fun?" he chuckled.

"Fun for us. 'Cause you're going down!" Inuyasha replied.

While Inuyasha distracted Naraku, Sango growled and aimed the Hiraikotsu at a weak spot with vengeance and precision. Naraku was caught off-guard and rocketed backwards. He sent a ball of demonic energy to block off the boomerang. This was all Inuyasha needed to use the Bakuryuuha, Tetsusaiga's ultimate attack. The armor was blown off Naraku and at this slight moment of surprise, Kagome used her arrow to finish him off.

The light was so bright that they had to cover their eyes. When the light faded, the tainted jewel that was in Naraku was revealed. Kagome caught and purified it. Kagome took the two shards that Kouga gladly gave for her and placed them in the gap. The jewel was almost complete, except for the one shard that was in Kohaku.

As Naraku was destroyed and lost control of the shard in Kohaku's back, his eyes lost its glazed look and returned to normal. He gasped in pain and recognition and fell to his knees. He started to sob uncontrollably while holding his head. Sango dropped to her knees beside him and held him in her arms.

"Ane-ue, I'm so sorry," he managed to choke out. "I remember now. I, I killed Father and our friends. I'm sorry…" He cried onto Sango's left shoulder as she tried to quiet his sobs.

"It's okay, Kohaku, it's not your fault. I'm just glad that you are back," Sango murmured. _I'm glad you're back little brother._

"Sango-chan," Kagome approached the siblings and touched Sango's shoulder gently. "I, we need the last shard…"

Sango gasped and snapped to look at Kagome. "But he'll die!"

"I know, but…" Kagome looked sad as she tried to think of something to say.

Sango shook her head. "No! I won't let him go! I failed to protect him the first time, so I will do everything I can to make it up to him. He's so young, and has a long life ahead of him, I can't take that away!" Kohaku was tired, and was already asleep in Sango's arms, so he didn't hear the conversation.

"But, we," Kagome failed once again to come up with the right words.

"I'm sorry Kagome, I, I just got him back, and I can't lose him again. Can we, can we at least wait a little while?"

"Let him go now Sango, before you get attached. Then it'll be even harder," Inuyasha intervened. Kagome was about to sit him for his insensitivity when she saw the pain and understanding on his face. He knew how hard it was for her, just like it was hard for him to let Kikyou go.

"Why don't we rest for now and decide what to do tomorrow," Kagome suggested as it was getting dark, and they all agreed.

* * *

That night, Sango tossed and turned on the floor of the hut they found, unable to sleep. She was afraid to sleep, afraid to dream. And she knew that when morning came, she would have to give up her brother. Her mind wandered back to that night, her last night with Miroku, and the talk that they had. Miroku's voice came back to her, comforting her.

_"I know it's hard to let go Sango, but Kohaku would finally be able to rest in peace. You have to move on. He doesn't belong here, Naraku is forcing him to stay."_

Deep in her heart, she knew she had to let go, just like she had to let go of Miroku. She pounded her fist on the ground gently as to not wake the others. _It's not fair! It's not supposed to end this way!_

She knew a while ago that she would eventually lose her brother when they came to complete the jewel. But it seemed so long to that day that it seemed unreal. Now that day had come, she found it harder than she thought, harder still when Houshi-sama was gone. She had already lost one love, and she didn't want to lose another.

It seemed so unreal. She still couldn't believe that he was actually gone. She half-expected to feel his hand on her butt any second. But deep down, she told herself that it wasn't going to happen. He was gone, just like Kohaku would be tomorrow.

_"Stay strong, my Sango…" _Miroku's voice echoed in her mind.

_I will try, Houshi-sama, for you I will. _

* * *

"It's okay, I understand," Kohaku told them when they explained what they had to do. Sango looked very sad as they got ready to say goodbye to her brother.

It had been two days since Naraku was defeated. Sango wanted some time to spend with her brother before he had to go, and the gang allowed her the two days. During that time, she answered his questions and comforted him. She told him about their quest to collect the shards and defeat Naraku. She even told him about Miroku and how wonderful he was.

She gave him a long hug. "I love you Kohaku," she choked out. "You'll always be my sweet little brother."

"I love you too Ane-ue. I'll say hi to Father and Miroku-sama for you," Kohaku's voice wavered a bit. As much as he tried to hide it, he was a bit afraid. He didn't want to go, but knew he had to.

"Thanks," she drew back, wiped the tears from Kohaku's eyes and then her own.

It had to be done, she reminded herself, like Houshi-sama said, if she loved Kohaku, she should do what's best for him, and that is to let him go.

"Good-bye Ane-ue."

"Good-bye Kohaku," _and I'm so sorry, but it's for the best, you are going to a better place now._

The little boy leaned against Sango and closed his eyes as Kagome gently took out the last shard.

* * *

Sango knelt down in front of the shrine in the middle of the crater and said a prayer. They had built the shrine for Miroku, and placed his staff, which was all that was left, in the shrine. She had just come from visiting Kohaku's grave, and she had placed flowers for him.

On Sango's right shoulder was the piece of material that was torn off from Miroku's robe. Sango washed the blood from it and wrapped it around her shoulder again. She wore it as a memory of her Houshi-sama because she didn't need it for her wound anymore. The wound was almost healed, all was left was a scar that won't go away. She wished that the deep, deep wound of her heart would heal though. It was still bleeding, but the sharp pain dulled with time to a slow but persistent throb, reminding her of what could've been and never will be.

Sango got up and sighed. Many times she wondered why it had to be this way, and why Fate was so cruel to her. Did it have anything but pain and suffering in store for her? In one day, her village and family were killed, and she was left all alone in the world. Just when she was starting to find a reason to look forward to life, it was cruelly dashed as well. She shook her head to clear it. No, she was thinking negatively. It wasn't all bad. Fate gave her true friends who cared about her and trusted her. It allowed her to meet Miroku and to fall in love with him. Even though it did hurt her, she was glad for the time of happiness that she had, however short it was. She remembered those days as she entered the hut she called home.

Kagome decided to stay in this time to protect the jewel and travel around helping people; Inuyasha and Shippo stayed with her to protect her. They had asked Sango to join them, but she politely refused. She wanted to stay here to look after the two men she loved.

Sango felt so alone sometimes even though her friends occasionally pass by to visit her and pay their respects to Miroku. Many times she wanted to just die, that way, she'd be with Miroku and her kin. But whenever she tried to take her life, she found that she couldn't, as if there was an invisible force preventing her. Or perhaps it was her own conscious telling her that she made a promise to Houshi-sama to continue living. Sometimes she even hated him for that, for leaving her behind by herself. She did have Kirara to keep her company though. She was ever grateful for her. The cat demon did not question her actions, just comforted her friend in her own silent way.

Sango sat down with Kirara by her side and started to polish her Hiraikotsu. It wasn't dirty since she hadn't used it in a while, but it was a habit that she had. It was as if the memories tied to it became clear to her when she rubbed it. The weapon reminded her of Miroku. It reminded her of all those times that she used it to hit him when he tried to grope her. She smiled as her hand rubbed the boomerang. It also reminded her of her village and the days before Naraku, of the days when her brother watched her practice, hoping that one day he could be as good as her.

She sighed as she stopped. Memories. That was all she had. She missed them dearly and her heart ached for them. But the memories helped her get through each day. Their spirits guided her and protected her, and in a strange way, she felt almost content.

But when she felt depressed, Sango would take a deep breath and force herself to try to face the day. Because one day, perhaps one day, the wound in her heart would heal, and she may be able to love again...

* * *

sniff okay, that's it. so, should i add an epilogue or leave it as it is? i do have an idea of a songfic for it, about how miroku comes to her to tell her it's okay. but i'm having a hard time deciding between two songs: "My heart will go on" from Titanic or "To where you are" by Josh Groban. please tell me what you think! 


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